How my surgery went

It's all done!

After years of waiting, months of stress worry and planning. I have had my surgery.

On the 18th December 2019 I went into Castle Hill hospital in cottingham Hull to have surgery I have longed for, to finally have a male chest which aligns with my gender identity. The surgeon I originally wanted was Dr yelled, who Ben went with in Brighton. However he no longer had an NHS contact after moving, where as Dr kneeshaw was the next best surgeon up in Hull, which is why I had to travel so far.

Each surgeon have there own techniques and differences in how they preform the producure. Ben's surgery and mine are very different, as ben did not have to have drains in, he just had a tight binder to compress the chest so it did not swell up. Where as I had to have drains, cotton bandages and the binder which I did worry about having to empty and deal with the drains.

On the morning of the 18th we arrived at the hospital at around 7am. A nurse took me to my own private room with a bathroom. The room and hospital were nice compared to London once. The staff were so lovely, they let Ben stay with me, mainly because of having the baby. Ariyah got more attention then I did, as all the nurses made a fuss of her, holding her. Word soon spread and even when I went down for surgery the anesthesia knew about my daughter. But she made for a good talking point as they put me to sleep.

I went down at around 11, Ben walked me to the lift where I got to kiss them both before the nurse took me down to theatre. Ben was told that I would be about 2 1/2 hours so he went to get some lunch.

The last thing I remember is laying on the Bed whilst the anesthesia put oxygen mask on me telling me that first I would go a bit dizzy like I'm drunk, then I was out before I knew it. I then woke up in recovery. I must have been dreaming because as I woke up in my mind I was getting Ariyah-mai dressed for a party. But no I woke up to a nurse checking all my observations. I had oxygen up my nose because my levels were low and it took me a while to come round. I looked at the clock and it was about 3pm which was 4 hours after I went down.

I panicked knowing Ben would be worried, I was still dizzy, feeling out of it. I kept falling in and out of sleep between asking for Ben and the baby. Finally I got taken back up to my room where the nurse went to get Ben for me. The first thing I did was kiss my daughter. (then Ben haha).

I was in a lot of pain and very uncomfortable, I just kept falling in and out of sleep. My oxygen and blood pressure was very low so had to kept the oxygen mask on. I had these pumps on my legs that squeezed my muscles every so often to keep the circulation and prevent blood clots along with the socks. I have two drains in and then was wrapped up in cotttom bandages and then a compression binder. Which is very heavy and tight. All of this made me feel hot, while the pain made me very sick.

About 3 hours after surgery I tried to eat but having only one month full it made me feel worse. I had to just sip water. Because I was a little sick. After Ben left to get the baby settled and to bed where we were staying. It was hard on my own, I could not sit up, could not reach things and just missed them so much. I had to kept calling th poor nurse in to help. I know it is there job but I felt like I was being a pain. I was so uncomfortable, could not really sleep because the pain or the things squeezing my legs kept waking me up.

Then the first time I got up to go toilet I felt so dizzy, I was sick everywhere, the pain getting up contributed to the sickness too. Once I laid back down and the nurse gave me strongbpain killers which made me sleep I felt abit better. I woke up and was able to actually eat something. Which at first really helped I felt less dizzy but two hours later the pain started and again I vomited it all up. After being sick once more the nurse gave me anti sickness tablets. She was surprised I had not been given any before or after surgery. Once I had these I was no longer nauseous or sick. I got some more sleep and managed to keep some fluids down.

The next morning Ben came back early, I missed them so much and I think my baby girl missed me, Ben laid the baby between my legs and next to me and she calmed down and cuddled into my arm.

After being shown how to empty my drains and after the surgeon came and had a quick look under the binder the said I could go home. I had no swelling or bruising and all my observations were fine. My heart rate was a bit high but that is normal after major surgery as well as being in pain.

I got discharged at 11, so we went back to the house we were staying. I managed to get some rest and eat more which I kept down. I laid with my baby girl on the pillow next to me. However over the night I got very uncomfortable and was in lots of pain. I started feeling sick again and just could not sleep. Poor Ben had to deal with me and help me so much as well as feeding ariyah-mai. Who also had a rough night, she was very unsettled and was being sick too. Mainly just flem as she was all bunged up. So we all had a rough first night.

Me drowsy resting in bed with my princess. Hate that I cannot properly hold her, she definitely ssences something is wrong, ben has to lay her next to me, but when she cries he has to take her to smooth her and I can not help, it is horrible.

This morning I feel a bit better, got some sleep and after ben emptied my drains and I had some rest I felt better. So onwards to healing and recoverying. I will keep you all updated on how I go. Thus how our first first Christmas as a family goes.

Preparation for my surgery

   Preparing for my top surgery.

Top surgery definition: this is trans male chest reconstruction surgery which is where the breast tissue is removed and the chest is reconstructed to form a male chest figure. This includes resizing and moving the nipple. There are many different types of surgery as it can be done though periola keyhole surgery. Nipples can be left or removed and repositioned. They can also be removed completely where some men go on the have tattoos or choose not to have at all.

I am have double mastectomy with nipple graphed, this is because I want a male chest figure which matches my gender identity as male. Ben had this surgery done in may 2017. So over 2 years ago, before becoming pregnant. This means that breast (chest feeding) a baby is normally not possible because all milk ducts are removed. You may still lactate a bit but not enough to provided enough nutrition to the baby. But this is not a problem for us as we formula feed ariyah and would do the same if I was to later go on to carry a baby myself.

Any ways it has finally come to me having surgery, it is something that has be along waited for because waiting lists for hormones or surgery are now so long, you could be waiting years. I got referred for surgery in June 2018, being fast track due to Ben being pregnant at the time with our son Nico. I then had an consultant appointment a year later in June 2019, however I could not make it due to trains being cancelled and Ben was then on pregnancy bed rest with ariyah. I got a appointment pretty quickly in augest 2019.

The consultant appointment was just to see what type of surgery I wanted but also what was possible, determined by the size and structure of my chest. I was hoping for peri, keywhole surgery as then I would not be left with scars. Unfortunately one side is bigger and my skin elasticity would mean I would have a wonky chest with nipples in the wrong place. In light of this I choose to have the double mastectomy so I could get the best results. The surgeon went through what the surgery entails as well as any risk that comes with it. What recovery would be like, or how long il have to be off work

To my surprise he offed me a date for the December 2019, this was only 4 months away, sooner then I expected. On average there is a wait up to 6-9 months after the consultant until surgery. Obviously I took the date. It did mean that we had to then plan ahead due to Ariyah being due in November. She would then only be 5 weeks old. Thankfully she was born early and healthy so she is a bit older at 2 months old now when I am actually having surgery. 

I cannot believe how quickly the time has come around and that we are here in Hull today for my surgery. I am nervous and it has been very stressful preparing for this day. 

Firstly as it is in Hull and we live in London it is a long way to travel. We had to ensure we had trains booked in advanced as they are also expensive. Then we had to make sure we had a place to stay for the week. I have to stay up there for at least two days as it will be too soon for me to travel straight away even in a car.  We have a house rented which we have a en suit bedroom and kitchen. This was essential to have a kitchen at least a kettle and microwave to sterilize and prepare Ariyah-mai milk. Furthermore being cheaper for us to make our own food instead of worrying about getting dinner somewhere.

So with all this booked in advance with my dad arrange to come pick us up on the Saturday. It was then the stress of packing and making sure we had everything. I will do a further post about travelling with a baby and the essential things or trick we found helped.

We had some worries and stress over the last few weeks with ariyah-mai being unwell, she had a cold, along with all her reflux. It was big a concern that she may not be well enough to come with me meaning her and Ben would have to stay in London. The thought of them not being there really worried me, which is why we thought for her even more to get the right care and so she be much more comfortable to travel. Which she did, then she started teething which does not help when she is so young. It meant we had to hold teething toys for because she was to young to hold them helpself. We brought her gel, so. We could massager her guns. Now she two months we could start giving her small amount of calpol only ones a day. 

Then Ben has been ill the last few days with a tummy bugs, on top of this he had a allergic reaction to medication he took for his tummy which led to him havinng to go to a&e on Monday. The day before we were due to travel. At first we did not know. What the rash was as it just suddenly come up in blisters which spread and covered his whole boby. (other then feet and face) we worried it was something worse, that may be contagious. Lucky after some antihistamine and steriods it disappeared and he was better. Again it was touch and go weather Ben would of been able to come with me and that him and the baby would of had to stay in London with his aunt or my dad and step mum offered to have thebaby to help. Thankfully it did not come to that and in the morning he felt fine to come with me. He did have tablets to take all week that made him. A little tired so he was worried about night feeds especially the Wednesday night that I would have to stay in hospital for. However he was able to come and Ariyah-mai to support me.

But for now we are up in Hull at the hospital waiting for my surgery. Again I will do an update on how it all went.

Photos of the place we are staying, travelling and me ready for surgery to follow